4 months old

Miss Annabeth Moon today you are four months old AMAZING!!!! So much has happened since my last blog where do I begin. Ok so we are still trying to find a way out of our mortgage and find a home in south lake Tahoe that is not a dump, who would have thought there would be icky gross homes up there but there are and its all do to drunkin college kids destroying property. We are still trying to get medicaid to cover your formula but they want a local gastro doctor to write the prescription but Reno only has one and he has sent a letter saying he refuses to see or treat you even if you came into the hospital for emergencies he will not see you. He spoke to your daddy and quote " looks like your daughter has something pretty life threatening so you may want to get that taken care of" unquote. So not only is Nevada not helping they dont have any doctors here to treat you and medicaid will only cover California visits for emergencies. You need a gastro doctor, eye doctor, kidney doctor, brain doctor, and ear doctor and Nevada only offers one an ear doctor. You have just recently been diagnosed with a bronchial infection but are on antibotics and it seems to be helping. Since you have been on prevacid you stopped vomiting and stopped vomiting blood and with your new formula you have gained one and a half pounds you are thriving. You now laugh and stay awake just to hang out you actually reach to grab my necklace and touch my face. You are turning into a healthy baby all because of the right doctors that cared enough to run the right tests not just guess and assume. You have actually unkincked your body and are stretched out you toes are finally not overlapping and your hands are not in tight fists anymore. I knew something was wrong and I knoew you were in pain this whole time I just knew it but now you are better well not all the way but getting better everyday. You love your baby bjorn so now on warm days we walk to the park with girls and enjoy the sunlight and warmth. Tuesday we go see the brain doctor he is from California and is only here once a month so Tuesday we will find out if you are going to need brain surgery anytime soon. I can tell you one thing I am emotionally, mentally, and physically drained and tired. I feel like you should already be ten years old with all the fighting I have been doing I am literally on the phone monday thru friday all day everyday talking to people trying to get you medical coverage trying to get you food and meds but its not easy here not easy at all. I spoke with your pediatrician and California wouldnt even second guess your coverage we have doctors records and medical proof you need what you need for your disablilty and we could be enjoying life right now not stressing out and fighting and crying. I honestly dont know what to do anymore. I have exhausted all our options and I am one hundred percent terrified. Your sisters are feeling the stressors too they are constantly at each others throat and being very defiant and moody because I am neglecting them and having to deal with legal issues allday everyday. It should not be this hard to have children and love them and take care of them but life is very hard right now the hardest I have ever been through. Especially when I dont like to speak to strangers see strangers or even go to places I have never been I am not big on public places. I have serious panic attacks and lately I have had nore than I can count on my fingers and toes and I am afraid its going to afect my heart and have a heart attack, then what.... I love you baby sooo much I love my big family I have created but there has to be an easier way.