Earth day festival

Well sweetness today was your first earth day festival. Now normally a day like today my favorite day to celebrate we would have all got to the festival and had a spectacular day for free. However today was not so spectacular for you or your sister Isabella. This earth day was unusually eight billion degrees. WOW. We did everything to cool you and baby Bella down but there was no escaping the heat. Insane. You cried and Isabella couldn't get comfortable or drink enough water. Finally though we got cool and hour into being there and things were better. You didn't get much of any sort of nap so right now at 11:21 pm you are fast asleep or totally conked out for that matter. You finally stopped fussing and crying after and cool bath and half a bottle fell asleep at 8pm and have been asleep the whole time. Your sisters too are totally just out like a light. I think you all are going to sleep the whole night through :D.

So now let me tell you what we saw there today. First thing as soon as we get there sure enough there is always someone smoking with a baby in their arms or pregnant. This time the lady had a baby type carrier on with the baby facing out with her poor like head fell all the way forward looking like it was cutting off circulation and breathing all the while smoking a cigarette. Other mothers and I were livid. Then we see other smokers and more smokers. Riddle me this why do they allow smokers at an EARTH DAY FESTIVAL. Just sayin. Then we saw a person pass out from lack of water and food, poor guy. The wind came up and we saw a booths canopy fly off their area into the people walking around thank goodness for everyone acting quickly I don't think anyone was injured just startled, it was so random. I felt bad for the people that worked the booth it was so unexpected. Your dad all day was so grumpy and irritable because he wore jeans and a thick T-shirt, I told him he was going to be entirely too hot because it's always somewhat warm on at this festival (this one being insanely hot). He was miserable. Although he was grumpy he could have been worse. Then on our way home tonight we watched a lightening storm happen from Reno to Dayton. It was beautiful. I wish we would have been home to witness it instead of driving I could have tried to get pictures of it and show the girls. When we got home we rushed all three of you girls in because you all were sleeping so we didn't want to wake you but we didn't. Lorelei was put on the couch and is still there totally out, Bella was put at the foot of our bed and still there totally out, you I left in your car seat because you were snoring you were sleeping so good so I wasn't about to disturb you till it was necessary. Then as your father and I were unloading our many bags because I always pack for several days it seems: 1 rolling duffle bag, 1 stroller, 1 diaper bag, 2 giant Costco bags, a camera bag, and a baby carrier, anyway so I'm noticing my house is a total wreck and I could have sworn it was clean before I left but I guess I was totally wrong. Omg it's trashed Lolol I'm not cleaning tomorrow lololol.

Ok that was your day it was good and bad :) I love you girls :D

Pointless

Nevada is pointless!! Baby I'm so sorry we live here God I'm so sorry. Your ambulance ride to Sacramento is not covered so that's another four thousand dollar bill we can't pay. Nevada Medicaid is pointless and has not covered anything so far. We will have to stop paying our mortgage soon just to save money to move to a state where they don't garnish your wages. We have ran out of options there is no company willing to help us in the thousands of thousands of dollars in bills that have added up since your birth. I guess all this is my punishment for being greedy and wanting three kids. Life sucks and I'm sorry I dragged you in it.

It's been a while

Hello sweetness it's been two weeks since I have written, sorry. I just did not want to write anything else depressing so I waited till I could give you good news. Easter was fun we took you and your sisters to the park and hid eggs and played on the jungle gym it was a very warm day which is not like all the past Easters in fact last year it rained. The 11th we took you to renown hospital they put you under anesthesia again and drained the fluid in your ears and put tubes in and did another hearing test. So the doc said there was a lot more fluid than she expected which explains your hands constantly grabbing and pulling your hair and ears you have been in pain for months. The hearing test did show that your hearing is much more damaged than she originally thought it would be. However you being deaf is the least of my worries. Since your tubes you have been laughing and moving your arms all around it was a great thing these tubes. I was very skeptical to take you back to renown since they had proven to be unintelligent in the past but dr Garrett the ear doctor and dr curry the anesthesiologist were fantastic. They eased my anxiety before they put you under and they completely listened to my rambles as why I was so scared.
I went on two news stations for you and one newspaper I am hoping to get help. The local pizza factory did a fundraiser night and gave us $140 so that was really cool and we have received a few other cash donations so right now we have exactly $1200 in your bank account just $33,800 more to go we will get there. I am learning to be patient. I have come to the conclusion I can't change anything and I can't rush anything so let's just say screw it! Those medical bills will get paid when they get paid and if they don't like our minuscule payments then oh well it's not like we are trying not to pay. None of this would of happened if were not sent to renown in November 2011 for them to accomplish nothing it was a pointless stay and I am soo mad that I even went. They did nothing literally we stayed in a room for a week for nothing they just gave us a can of formula and left us alone except to come in every morning to take your vitals and weight. Pointless personally I feel they should not charge us. But whatever. At least when we came back last week for tubes the care was exceptional this time.
I did decide to just go vegan for you that way I don't have any dairy touching me or the counters. I don't want to risk you getting sick again. And really I have only been eating meat for a couple years and it was starting to gross me out again so going vegan was pretty easy :) this weekend is going to be your first earth day festival I can't wait it's my favorite celebration. Your sisters love it every year they get to do all sorts of arts and crafts. The weather is going to be impeccable too I can't wait.
I am trying to get some 100% cotton white fabric and clothing to tye dye to sale the stuff for you and frame some full moon photos I took too. I was thinking of attending the online photography school to get a degree in a couple years. So that is still in the thought process. I'd like to put a recipe book together too but I never measure anything so I have no idea how much to say to put in. So starting this week I am going to start measuring things lol. I hope I can do all of this for you so we can enjoy life not worry about how the bills will be paid or if food will be provided.
A few weeks ago pastor Garry asked people to stand if they saw or felt the miracles of Jesus in their lives. I honestly could not really say yes or no before you. So when he asked this I couldn't stand up fast enough. If people don't believe there is a creator and we pray for nothing I have proof there is. You have changed my life in so many ways. You are an inspiration of good and faith. I am proud and honored to be your mother.
Ok well I love you and your moon sisters no matter how crazy your sisters make lol. I am going to go and find our pots and soil and get it ready so we can start gardening and growing our own fruits and veggies and herbs to also save money and of course it will teach your sisters some science.
I hope you have a great day Annabeth Moon Moser

Ugh

So today we went to your pediatric check up. Started off great your weight matched your birthday. You weighed in at 11.11 pounds and your birthday is 11-11-11 so that was just way cool. You smiled and giggled for Dr. Ehmann which was totally awesome. You were an amazing 24 inches and a head circumference of 16inches and your hemoglobin was perfect. Your oxygen was just a little low so they are gonna send over an oxygen monitor for another sleep study. Now for the bad we have noticed a hunch on your back and it seems to have been getting more pronounced so we asked and doc is gonna put in for X-ray's to be done it seems you may have scoliosis or kyphosis or something not sure yet but it's definitely something. "deep sigh" I believe I'm becoming numb. I'm trying baby moon I'm trying I just feel like a huge failure as a mother and I'm sorry. One day I hope that I just have to worry about you and your sisters not medical bills or medical insurance or whether or not to buy food or pay a bill. I worried about finances before but never like this I didn't have to choose just sometimes late. This sucks!!!!

Jealousy

Is it normal to be angry and jealous of others with their new healthy perfect babies, not having to deal with life or death situations and doctors or having to deal with medical bills you can't pay or having to deal with your phone ringing all day with mean people and bad news. If its not well then I guess it's too bad because I am. It's not fair having a baby should not be this hard or this expensive. I love you Annabeth but I just don't know what to do anymore I have ran into every brick wall and nothing I do is helping I am afraid we are going to lose everything and be living on the streets. I wish you could tell me what to do. I wish you could drink formula that could be bought at a store I wish you didn't need special doctors. In tired of crying every single day I'm tired of bring angry and I'm tired of my country not helping me when I did my time I served my country I earned my right to be here. This all sucks and I can't seem to do anything right. I even thought ok well I'll make things and sale them well that's near impossible it's outrageous to purchase business licenses and what not here, it's much easier in Oregon. I do love you and I hope you know I have tried everything under the sun to get help and nothing had helped. I'm trying to give you a wonderful life I truly am. Please forgive me if I continue to fail. I love you and I'll keep trying I'm just so tired.