Just Breath

Wow so baby girl life with you is anything but boring that is for sure. I never have time to do much I wish you could see the house I know I will take pictures for you so you can see how messy our house is all of the time now and I am a super duper clean freak so this totally bugs me. Anyway its been a few weeks (because I just dont have time) so the latest is you are doing great. We just saw Dr Ehmann your pediatrician yesterday and yes I held back the tears this time. It was soooo nice to see her. So you weigh 14.2 pounds and you are 27 inches long and 6 months old. I know you are still small but it is what it is. We are aware you are not up to speed with the rest of the six month old children but hey who cares, you are alive and growing so that is all the matters to me. So we still dont know when medicaid is going to drop us but we know that its a fight to keep it. So I cant keep doing this every month fighting with the state of Nevada to get you to see a doctor any doctor and they are all in california and medicaid wont cover those either. So we are trying to short sale our home and if that does not work then we will just foreclose and we are going to be moving soon to south lake tahoe california so we can get you health insurance. We already checked it out and we qualify for healthy families and they have programs lots of them for disabled children they will help you and you will be able to see all of your doctors in sacramento who love and miss you and cant wait to give you your check ups. So I can breath just a little now. However we got word that medicaid is not wanting to cover any of your doctors bills from the emergency visit to sacramento because well its in california and nevada does not like california in any way shape or form. Nevada did not have any doctor here that could treat you we had no choice no options you were vomiting blood uncontrollably and the only gastrologist here in nevada said it was normal, well obviously we know now it wasnt normal and he was a complete idiot and almost killed you, anyway I wont go into that again, it just really upsets me that he did not do his job. Ok so anyway we have thousands upon thousands of dollars in bills I owe more in your medical bills than I owe on every one of our bills. I tried getting a loan for 100 grand to pay all of our bills off and part of yours so we could make payments on the rest but no people dont do that, so that sucked. Ok so now more about you and not your bills lol you my dear are rolling from side to side and you have even rolled to your belly a few times but then got mad because you cant lift your head so you could not breath lol but you did it thats huge. You are also trying so hard to control the movement in your hands to hold things and it makes you so mad that you cant, so I work with you all of the time to help out your concentration. You like to touch my face thats super cool and you laugh you laugh when ever you are not crying you are laughing. You love love love elephants its your favorite thing to look at and I found out this is a very good Hindu omen :D this makes me very happy. You still cry all of the time because your belly has bad gas and painful gas it hurts you so you just scream until you either fart, poop, or fall asleep, its sad and it breaks my heart.

So my perfect little Moon baby things are ok I mean we are crazy in debt and i have no idea how to get out I have never not paid bills before I am never late on bills but really what are you gonna do we have to just let the medical bills go to collection and figure stuff out later. So for now we are packing everyday and we are going to get you to California where we can get you help. This is all a huge thank you to your aunt Michelle or we would not be able to move and we would be stuck here without any medical and you would never be able to see a doctor again. So basically between the California doctors and your pediatrician and your aunt Michelle your life has been and will continue to be saved.

I love you baby girl just keep hanging on we will get you to the doctors soon you are our shining Moon so keep shining.

Please dont give up

Annabeth Moon Moser I need you to do me a huge favor I need you to not give up I need you to stay with me I need you, we need you. Our fantastic hospital in Sacramento just phoned me and let me know that they have been trying to get authorization for months from Nevada medicaid for you GI check up on wednesday and they will not approve it so it has been cancelled and they also informed me that for the entire week we were hospitalized there nevada medicaid will not approve it and are not paying for it and that is thousands upson thousands of dollars in bills. There is no reason for them not to approve any of this other then they get to pick and choose at their discretion what they think as billing consultants what is important or not. It was life or death and nevada medicaid does not care they are heartless and callus and they think they are God and they play God. Nevada medicaid is the worst company on the planet and I am seeing even more clearly that Nevada is the worst state in the united states. Baby I know you need to see this doctor asap I know this I know you have so many doctors you need and I am sorry we live here I am so sorry. Baby girl I did put my house up I dont have the money to move and I dont have the money to get another home but somehow someway we will get you out of here away from this place. I dont understand why this is happening I dont know who I have ever wronged in my life to have them take it out on your life. Annabeth I am so sorry baby please baby just hold on for me please dont leave me I will get you the health care you need somehow. I just cant fight here any longer I cant do this with no support and no help there is not any lawyer or agency or organization that is willing to help us here they just dont care. I dont know what to say and dont know what to do. I have even contacted big name companies like the today show and the ellen show etc I know that sounds lame but I am desperate but they are so big they dont think our story is news worthy and they dont have the money to help us get dontations. I just keep thinking if we didnt already have bills we would be able to afford these things for you.I tried getting a $100,000 personal loan and then we could pay off every single bit of debt and then we could pay all of your doctor bills off and pay cash for you to see other doctors or procedures, but no one gives loans like that. I love you so much and tomorrow I will go to south lake tahoe and I will find us a home and beg and plead for us to get it and I will take you to California where they will welcome you with open arms and do everything they can for you. Moon baby I want you to know that when you read this and if I am no longer here on earth I want you to never doubt that you are very loved and you are very wanted you are perfect you are the shiniest Moon of all and your Moon sisters will agree and they will take care of you I promise you that. I love you Annabeth Moon Moser

Unbelieveable

Oh Annabeth I have honestly done everything in my power to receive help to raise money everything and anything. So far things had seemed to have settled down and we were getting help a little bit. We are still trying to find ways to pay your medical bills that medicaid would not cover but its very hard and we are not having the best of luck. Then we just found out your ambulance ride to califonia is not covered by medicaid thats another 4 grand to try and pay. Then yesterday some investigator called me and let me know that since we had a fundraser to try and raise money for the bills they wont pay and he saw us on the news and saw we had a paypal and bank account set up for you it disqualifies us for medicaid and our twenty eight dollars a month in food stamps. then today we were supposed to get another month of formula delivered and they didnt deliver it so I called and they said they are working on an appoval through medicaid again and they are not getting any feedback. So now we have to find some way to pay for your medical treatments and surgeries and appointments and your 1000 dollar a month formula bill. Yes this is how nevada had treated you and a me a veteran. Baby girl I have no idea what to do I have applied for everything and we have got denied everything in this state they really do not care for children here and I am so very sorry we live here this is all my fault. I dont know what to do. I cant leave your pediatrician our only option is to foreclose and move to california  so we can keep her but that would have to be south lake tahoe and we can not find a place to rent for the life of us. We keep running into brick walls. We know we would qualify for californias health care for you and they would cover your medication and your formula and your doctor visits in sacramento. its just  matter of finding a home there. I have finally accepted the fact that we have to foreclose we cant stay here nevada is killing you and they dont care one bit. You are my life your sisters and I love you with all our hearts you make us smile and laugh everyday you are the biggest blessing in our lives and I am so so sorry we are having all these problems just to keep you alive and healthy it should not be this hard. I am terrified baby I am so terrified for us. I am so afraid I am going to have a heart attack and leave you and your sisters without a mother. I dont understand why God abandoned us abandoned you. I dont understand any of this. Please dont give up baby because I wont give up on you even if I have to start selling my body I will do whatever it takes to keep you alive I promise you that. I just dont understand how a state can treat their people like this. I dont understand at all. No one cares and we have been tossed aside like garbage. But you baby you are not garbage you are amazing you are fabulous and you are perfect. I love you and your sisters you are my world you are my breath you are my heart beats you are all my everything. I love you Moon babies I love you.